a wrinkle in my Facebook face

I was surprised at the lively thread (well, lively for this modest site) my last post generated, especially since I was only reporting the observations of others about ageism on Facebook. Instead of continuing the comment thread, I thought I would address a few points raised by commentators in this follow-up post.

Yule, anne, and rr mentioned their cordial reception by and relations with the “pioneers” of Facebook denizens: the young. They also noted that in the off-line world (shouldn’t I be saying something like the “real” world?) had the same quality of cordiality, of give and take and receptiveness to each other’s views and worlds, real and otherwise constructed.

Well, going by anecdotal evidence, which is the basis of opinion (and that’s all I am airing here, rather than sharing knowledge knitted together by the chain link of facts) I can say that in some corners — probably the more leafy ones — in the world, there is a big yuck factor when it comes to the interactions between young and old, seeing how they have been segregated the last couple of decades in the suburbs.

Where I live, in a suburb in a rather privileged enclave in the US, a teenager can live for weeks, or even months, without ever having to come into contact with a senior citizen — unless that senior citizen happens to be his or her father raising his second, or even third family…. Though there are old people scattered around in the neighborhood (and you can pretty much guess where they live by the un-remodeled state of their houses and landscapes), kids don’t play on the streets here, nor do they take on jobs such as mowing lawns or walking dogs. No, they are usually too busy being shuttled by their parents from one educational activity to another, or, if they are driving, they go from one party to another, working on their drinking skills with great enthusiasm.

So yes, the old are aliens to them, and if they do visit their grandparents in the retirement community where the hallways smell or the sounds coming from the acute care wing sound not quite human, they are bewildered and frightened, and so they will react with disgust.

As for the generation that is their own parents … don’t get me started on that one. Okay, that was a rhetorical turn, so here we go: The insularity of this community (and others like it) is such that many of its residents believe that somehow they are exempt from the passage of time. So, yes, to answer Yule’s second comment in the previous post, many of the adults teenagers see in this community have failed to assume their authority as grownups, let alone as parents.

I keep hearing about parties int he neighborhood for teens where the alcohol is freely supplied by parents who are either afraid to exercise authority or are desperate to hang on to some notion of friendship with their child. I keep seeing women in their fifties in the shopping malls dressed in clothes that were designed for their daughters, while their daughters saunter behind them, at some distance, in a pair of ordinary jeans and a plain T-shirt.

All this is, of course, anecdotal — but since I am caught in the twilight zone of middle age myself, with old age looming visibly on the horizon, I am not partial. And I hope that I am not in denial either. Still, my children have seen their share of adults who are that only nominally and on their driver’s licenses. They know this is not right, and so they must have a few questions about respect and authority that are challenging to answer around here.

I can definitely say that my children were not happy about my foray into Facebook. Though one of their friends made me his “friend” as soon as I signed up, it was as a joke, as I found out later.

The irony of this is that I was part of social networks before they even knew what the Internet was. I was the one who taught them about cyberspace…. But, given the examples of the social networks of the physical community in which they live, I wouldn’t be surprised if they, too, would have joined some group or other declaring that old people suck. What other recourse do most of them have for rebellion, in spite (or, rather because) of their privileges and resources?

I am not saying this to condone hate speech or to make excuse for the “kids acting up.” Instead, I see in this yet another symptom of some larger disease gnawing at the structure, leaching the strength from the bones.

We, the old folks, have the right to make Facebook our own, as much as the “kids” have a right to make a space for themselves in the world we keep so closely guarded from them.